I was reading something today that really made me think about how we talk to others. In Matthew 17:24-27, Peter asks Jesus about paying taxes. Jesus first makes a comparison between earthly kingdoms and heavenly kingdoms. Jesus tells Peter where he can find money for the tax. But first, and this is what I thought was particularly relevant, Jesus says “But so that we may not cause offense…” Another version says, “not to offend.” In other places, Jesus emphasized treating others gently (Matthew 11:28-30 and 12:20). What’s interesting is that Jesus did not treat everyone gently. In Matthew 12, he had strong words for the religious leaders. He drove merchants and money changers out of the temple with a whip! Why were those circumstances different? Why was it ok to offend in some situations but not in others?
I think there is at least one difference between the times where Jesus is confrontational and the times when he does not want to offend that is relevant for us. When it comes to sharing God’s kingdom, Jesus is bold and unapologetic. When it comes to talking to people in day-to-day interactions, especially if those people are not in powerful positions, he is gentle and careful to not offend.
In terms of relating to us and to our workplaces, when you are telling people about your faith, you should be bold and unapologetic. When you are confronting something that is wrong (such as unethical business practices), you should be courageous and true. When it comes to other interactions, you should be gentle and look to not offend.
Showing posts with label Talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Talk. Show all posts
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, July 18, 2011
Set a Guard on Your Mouth
Psalm 141:3
cf James 3
I say stupid things sometimes. It's like the clutch between my brain and my mouth doesn't always engage.
You've probably had those experiences like I have where you say something and instantly wish that you hadn't. If only life had a rewind button and you could take back that insensitive comment, that harsh criticism, or that sarcastic dig. Unfortunately, there is no way to take it back. And while "sticks and stones may break our bones," words can hurt infinitely more.
James talks about the tongue as a world of evil (James 3:6), full of deadly poison (James 3:8). Perhaps that's why David asks God to "set a guard" over his mouth, to "keep watch over the door of my lips."
I talked with my classes about honesty a few semesters ago. I asked them if there were times when they lied without really thinking about it. Many answered yes. I suspect that we are the same way, not just about honesty, but also in terms of insensitivity, harshness, and sarcasm. Those things slip out before we have a chance to think.
Back to David's prayer. He knew that only God could really master his tongue. It starts with lots and lots of prayer. Prayer that God will help your speech be holy. And then it takes a lot of work. You have decades of speech habits to break. But then you can spend your time building others up rather than tearing them down.
cf James 3
I say stupid things sometimes. It's like the clutch between my brain and my mouth doesn't always engage.
You've probably had those experiences like I have where you say something and instantly wish that you hadn't. If only life had a rewind button and you could take back that insensitive comment, that harsh criticism, or that sarcastic dig. Unfortunately, there is no way to take it back. And while "sticks and stones may break our bones," words can hurt infinitely more.
James talks about the tongue as a world of evil (James 3:6), full of deadly poison (James 3:8). Perhaps that's why David asks God to "set a guard" over his mouth, to "keep watch over the door of my lips."
I talked with my classes about honesty a few semesters ago. I asked them if there were times when they lied without really thinking about it. Many answered yes. I suspect that we are the same way, not just about honesty, but also in terms of insensitivity, harshness, and sarcasm. Those things slip out before we have a chance to think.
Back to David's prayer. He knew that only God could really master his tongue. It starts with lots and lots of prayer. Prayer that God will help your speech be holy. And then it takes a lot of work. You have decades of speech habits to break. But then you can spend your time building others up rather than tearing them down.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Salt and Fresh Water
James 3:10-12
Have you ever taken a drink, expecting one thing, only to taste something else? Perhaps you've tried to get Sprite out of a soda fountain only to get carbonated water? Or maybe you asked for Coke at a restaurant but they served Pepsi instead? It's disappointing to say the least. But what if you got a glass of water on a hot day and began to drink, only to discover that salt water is coming out of the tap or water cooler? It'd be pretty gross, wouldn't it? James explains why that's unlikely: "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." A fresh water spring is only going to produce fresh water, and a salt water spring is only going to produce salt water. James makes the application that our speech should be just that predictable. He says that we should either praise or curse rather than allowing our mouths to praise God one day and then turn around and curse someone else the next day.
This passage really speaks to one of the central themes of this blog: that our faith should not be isolated to Sunday but should carry over to Monday through Friday as well. We shouldn't be honoring God on Sunday only to live differently in our workplaces during the week. Look at how you talk to people this week. This passage is all about using our speech to honor God. How are you honoring God with the ways that you talk to people this week?
Have you ever taken a drink, expecting one thing, only to taste something else? Perhaps you've tried to get Sprite out of a soda fountain only to get carbonated water? Or maybe you asked for Coke at a restaurant but they served Pepsi instead? It's disappointing to say the least. But what if you got a glass of water on a hot day and began to drink, only to discover that salt water is coming out of the tap or water cooler? It'd be pretty gross, wouldn't it? James explains why that's unlikely: "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water." A fresh water spring is only going to produce fresh water, and a salt water spring is only going to produce salt water. James makes the application that our speech should be just that predictable. He says that we should either praise or curse rather than allowing our mouths to praise God one day and then turn around and curse someone else the next day.
This passage really speaks to one of the central themes of this blog: that our faith should not be isolated to Sunday but should carry over to Monday through Friday as well. We shouldn't be honoring God on Sunday only to live differently in our workplaces during the week. Look at how you talk to people this week. This passage is all about using our speech to honor God. How are you honoring God with the ways that you talk to people this week?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Flattery Will Get You Everywhere?
Psalm 12:2-4
David is pretty harsh when it comes to people who flatter others. "Help, LORD, for the godly are no more...Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception. May the LORD cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue that says, "We will triumph with our tongues." Ouch. The passage considers the flatterer to be ungodly, and David asks God to cut off the tongues of flatterers. David isn't condemning those who compliment others. In fact, genuinely complimenting your boss can go a long way. David also isn't talking about using tact when it comes to your conversations with others. The reference here is to the person who "bends" the truth to win favor with another. Perhaps your boss completes a project that you could have done better but you tell your boss that it's the greatest thing you've ever seen. Or maybe you're competing for a promotion but you tell your coworker that he/she deserves it more, even when you don't think that's true. Compliments are an important part of interaction, whether in the workplace or in other parts of life. But if you're going to compliment someone, be sure that your compliment is true.
David is also talking specifically about those people who pridefully think they can talk their way out of trouble and into gain. So one issue is making sure your compliments are honest, but the second issue is that you are not relying on what you say for career success. As a communication studies professor, I am all about the importance of talk at work. In many ways, it's the coin of the realm. But relying too heavily on your communication ability, thinking you can communicate so well that you can achieve success for yourself, means that you are not relying on God and giving him credit for your accomplishments.
Be careful with flattering. Compliment. Be tactful. But be honest, and remember that you serve God alone.
David is pretty harsh when it comes to people who flatter others. "Help, LORD, for the godly are no more...Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception. May the LORD cut off all flattering lips and every boastful tongue that says, "We will triumph with our tongues." Ouch. The passage considers the flatterer to be ungodly, and David asks God to cut off the tongues of flatterers. David isn't condemning those who compliment others. In fact, genuinely complimenting your boss can go a long way. David also isn't talking about using tact when it comes to your conversations with others. The reference here is to the person who "bends" the truth to win favor with another. Perhaps your boss completes a project that you could have done better but you tell your boss that it's the greatest thing you've ever seen. Or maybe you're competing for a promotion but you tell your coworker that he/she deserves it more, even when you don't think that's true. Compliments are an important part of interaction, whether in the workplace or in other parts of life. But if you're going to compliment someone, be sure that your compliment is true.
David is also talking specifically about those people who pridefully think they can talk their way out of trouble and into gain. So one issue is making sure your compliments are honest, but the second issue is that you are not relying on what you say for career success. As a communication studies professor, I am all about the importance of talk at work. In many ways, it's the coin of the realm. But relying too heavily on your communication ability, thinking you can communicate so well that you can achieve success for yourself, means that you are not relying on God and giving him credit for your accomplishments.
Be careful with flattering. Compliment. Be tactful. But be honest, and remember that you serve God alone.
Friday, October 8, 2010
New Attitude, New Self, Created to be like God, Pt. 3
Ephesians 4:25-32
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
How many conversations at work would be different if we followed that admonition? Only say what is helpful and benefits others. Wow, I think about everything I've said this week, and I have to admit that I have said things at work that probably didn't build others up. My big one is sarcasm. What about you? Any gossiping or grumbling under your breath? What about your humor? I put sarcasm as something that's not particularly helpful to others, but a lot of humor might also fall under "coarse joking" that Paul discusses in Ephesians 5:4. The idea of limiting speech to only what is wholesome, helpful for building up, and beneficial seems an awful lot like a vow of silence to some, I would guess. That's part of the "new self" to which Paul is calling the Ephesians (and us by extension). We are called to be different, and how we talk is certainly one way to show how unique God's people are in workplaces where unwholesome talk may be the norm. It's tough to change all at once, but make the effort and let God's grace and His Spirit work in you.
Paul returns to the idea of getting rid of hate and ungodly anger and replacing it with kindness in verses 31 and 32. Then, 5:1 serves as an endpost to this list of holy living thoughts. Think about talk. Deal with anger. Be honest. Because by doing these things, you are imitating Christ. And you choose to imitate him because you are a dearly loved child. I think that perspective is always important. These things aren't items on a holiness checklist--we imitate Christ at work because we're God's children and want to serve Him as Lord of our lives.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
How many conversations at work would be different if we followed that admonition? Only say what is helpful and benefits others. Wow, I think about everything I've said this week, and I have to admit that I have said things at work that probably didn't build others up. My big one is sarcasm. What about you? Any gossiping or grumbling under your breath? What about your humor? I put sarcasm as something that's not particularly helpful to others, but a lot of humor might also fall under "coarse joking" that Paul discusses in Ephesians 5:4. The idea of limiting speech to only what is wholesome, helpful for building up, and beneficial seems an awful lot like a vow of silence to some, I would guess. That's part of the "new self" to which Paul is calling the Ephesians (and us by extension). We are called to be different, and how we talk is certainly one way to show how unique God's people are in workplaces where unwholesome talk may be the norm. It's tough to change all at once, but make the effort and let God's grace and His Spirit work in you.
Paul returns to the idea of getting rid of hate and ungodly anger and replacing it with kindness in verses 31 and 32. Then, 5:1 serves as an endpost to this list of holy living thoughts. Think about talk. Deal with anger. Be honest. Because by doing these things, you are imitating Christ. And you choose to imitate him because you are a dearly loved child. I think that perspective is always important. These things aren't items on a holiness checklist--we imitate Christ at work because we're God's children and want to serve Him as Lord of our lives.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Listen, then Speak
James 1:19
cf James 1:26; 3:3-12
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. It doesn't make sense. If we're going to get our way, we have to persuade people around us, we have to argue for our position. We have to make them see things our way. Our culture is all about talking. But James is saying something here that most of the best salespeople already know--the best communicators are the best listeners. First, listening values the other person, important in a biblical perspective. But also, listening clues you in on the other person's needs and desires. You're better able to match your message to what they want to hear. Don't forget the last phrase--be slow to get angry. One way to read that in context might be "don't get defensive." When we get defensive, the parts of our brains that enable empathy as well as rationale thought get less blood flow--those things get shut down. The result is that we're unable to listen. God knew it all along--listen first and don't get defensive.
The tips in James 1:26 and 3:3-12 are also relevant here--watch what you say. How many times have you said something and immediately thought, "Oh, I wish I could take that back?" Too often, comments slip out that wiser people would have let go unsaid. James is recognizing that, reiterating that we need to be slow to speak.
The two skills, listening and speaking, go hand-in-hand. You cannot be quick to listen if you're worried about what you need to say. And why bother being slow to speak if you're not willing to listen to the other person? Work on these things. You're not going to get better at them overnight, but you'll benefit tremendously in your workplace as you work at them.
cf James 1:26; 3:3-12
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. It doesn't make sense. If we're going to get our way, we have to persuade people around us, we have to argue for our position. We have to make them see things our way. Our culture is all about talking. But James is saying something here that most of the best salespeople already know--the best communicators are the best listeners. First, listening values the other person, important in a biblical perspective. But also, listening clues you in on the other person's needs and desires. You're better able to match your message to what they want to hear. Don't forget the last phrase--be slow to get angry. One way to read that in context might be "don't get defensive." When we get defensive, the parts of our brains that enable empathy as well as rationale thought get less blood flow--those things get shut down. The result is that we're unable to listen. God knew it all along--listen first and don't get defensive.
The tips in James 1:26 and 3:3-12 are also relevant here--watch what you say. How many times have you said something and immediately thought, "Oh, I wish I could take that back?" Too often, comments slip out that wiser people would have let go unsaid. James is recognizing that, reiterating that we need to be slow to speak.
The two skills, listening and speaking, go hand-in-hand. You cannot be quick to listen if you're worried about what you need to say. And why bother being slow to speak if you're not willing to listen to the other person? Work on these things. You're not going to get better at them overnight, but you'll benefit tremendously in your workplace as you work at them.
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