Matthew 18:21-22
Last week, a friend let me down. It felt like a betrayal. It was a business transaction, and he had the right to do what he did. I would have expected nothing less from a business. But he was my friend, my role model, my Christian brother. It hurts. It hurts me deeply.
I think of Jesus calling His disciples to forgive 7 times 70 times, and I struggle with forgiving just once. How do I not stay up late thinking about this situation? How do I not resent this hurt?
I will probably see this person again. As friends, we have a lot of friends in common, we travel in similar circles. How will I act when I see him? What will come to mind? How can I forgive when I hurt so much?
Some posts end with calls to action or explanations of what to do. As I write this, I don’t have any such answer for this. I know that I am called to forgive, to not hold a grudge, and, regardless of my feelings, to love this person. I know that I have been forgiven for much more than this—in the grand scheme of things, this is really a pretty small issue. It still hurts. I still don’t know how to forgive. I know that, with time, the Great Physician will heal this hurt. With His help, I will be able to forgive. Thankfully, I don’t have to struggle with forgiveness alone.
I had a friend I knew when I was 13 and he was 10. Our origins are from different cultures. Although we both happen to be rather intelligent, he left school very early while I went far in my high studies. Our common factor was our extreme sincerity in all situations and we both were looking for a simple peaceful life. So when adult (I was 25), we founded together a private business with almost no capital (unless $200 is). I took the charge of designing new products while he was in charge of all the remained matters to run the business in the market. After a few years, we were able to have a reasonable apartment, then we bought our first car. Decade later, we got a land outside the city on which we built a small farm. Meanwhile our workplace which was just a small basement became a real store with an office and 3 levels for workplace.
ReplyDeleteOur business (based always on our mutual trust only, no official papers) started in 1975. From year 1995 to 2002 we used to invite many friends and their families to have a good time in our farm and even to swim in summer. In other words, we were a rare but real example on how a good friendship can bring outstanding fruits for all sides. But, during the last decade, I have noticed that our business wasn't as good as it used to be. I thought the reason was the global crisis for example. Only last year my partner came to tell me in a sudden that he was deceived for a long time (by a so-called friend) and we have to sell everything to pay our debts. Since then he and I live in a room (not ours) and the store that we can still run is no more ours (and the capital returned back to zero). But my greatest loss is that all my principles based on Trust and Love look silly now to all people who knew and heard me. To me, living just to survive doesn't mean anything. And yes, I have forgiven all who were the cause in destroying completely my life meanwhile, my prayer before I sleep every night:
Please God, let my body not wake up again.
I am truly sorry for your loss. The greatest hurts can come from those with whom we are closest. I know this doesn't help you financially, but you are right that trust and love look silly to the world. Paul explained that the gospel is foolishness to those who do not believe.
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