Dealing with Difficult Coworkers

Monday's post focused on difficult supervisors. Today's is about difficult coworkers. Friday's will be from a third perspective, that of a supervisor dealing with difficult subordinates, kind of a hard-to-deal-with theme for the week.

A caveat is order--there are no easy answers, for dealing with any of these difficult people. If there was an easy solution, from the Bible or anywhere else, they wouldn't be called "difficult" people. Being around these people puts us in a bind. On the one hand, they make us miserable in some way, either through annoying personal habits, causing us extra work, and/or creating fear in us for our jobs or some aspect of our jobs. On the other hand, such people seem very tough to avoid. Looking at the Bible doesn't necessarily provide any easy answers in the sense that being faithful at work doesn't necessarily make these people go away.

There's an old saying that if there's no difficult person in your workplace, look in the mirror. While it's certainly true that some workplaces may not have any truly tough people to deal with as this adage implies, it is important to self-reflect and think about your own habits and how they might be considered "difficult" by those around you. Do you think too highly of yourself, your accomplishments, or the respect that's due you? If so, remember what Jesus said about seating arrangements based on honor--be sure to take the place of least honor. Do you spread gossip about others? It's so hard to not participate when others bring up juicy tidbits about people around the office. It's even harder when you know others know things that you don't know. How might your gossip affect your coworkers? If you say, "it wouldn't affect them," then why are you talking about them when they aren't around? What about sarcasm or practical jokes? They seem harmless enough. Proverbs 26:18-19 says "Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, "I was only joking!" The very next verse warns of gossip and how gossip is related to quarrelling.

So the first step in dealing with a difficult coworkers is to examine yourself.

After that, the guiding principle is love. That sounds pretty simple, but the reality is pretty complex and very counter-cultural. Think about what it would be like to love your rivals or those who you know will backstab you. Remember, Jesus doesn't just say "love the popular guy or gal at the office." Jesus says "love your enemies." That goes against the "dog-eat-dog" world of business in which most of us work. And it may cost you--your rivals might capitalize on graciousness. Your supervisor might think that you don't have the killer instinct he or she is looking for. But loving your enemies (and thereby loving God) is more important than any promotion, any account, any assignment, any raise that you could ever hope to get.

One way to love others is to live out the Golden Rule. How do you want this difficult coworker to treat you? Then that's how you need to treat them. Make no mistake--you're not doing it to win them over. There's no guarantee that, when you treat them this way, they will stop being difficult coworkers. Jesus calls us to a higher standard than how others treat us--He calls us to love regardless.

Another way to love others is to remember that we are all sinners in need of a Savior. Remember that Jesus love you before you were lovable (Romans 5:8). Remember that the other person is only human. They need the same forgiveness that you need and have through Jesus. It takes time and lots of effort, but try to forgive them (even if they don't deserve or ask for forgiveness).

Like I said at the beginning of the post, no easy answers. That all sounds great on a computer screen, but the reality is a lot harder than reading it on a blog. It's a process, not a one-time event. Thank goodness for God's grace in trying to love others.